Catching Pigs

There was a chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab, the Prof noticed one young man, an exchange student, who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt. The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist regime. In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked:

"Do you know how to catch wild pigs?"

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said that it was no joke. "You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming.

When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side.

The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again.

You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught.

Soon they go back to eating the free corn . They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity."

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening in America . The government keeps pushing us toward Communism/Socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tax cuts, tax exemptions, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc. while we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time. One should always remember two truths:

1) There is no such thing as a free lunch, AND
2) You can never hire someone to provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.

Germany is ready for the Turkish game

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Istanbul

A beautiful clip of Istanbul:

http://www.ersineser.us/

Liverpool-Chelsea

Before last night's Champion's League game, I had a feeling that the game was going to finish 1-1.

When the game started, I got a little more hopeful about Liverpool's chances. Liverpool really outplayed and outclassed Chelsea on the night. Liverpool players seem to believe that this cup belongs to them. They showed some belief and determination that I haven't seen from them for a long time.

Although people are ridiculing me, I have been telling them that I believe we can beat Chelsea at the Stamford Bridge. People have been throwing a lot of stats at me in support of their argument that Liverpool cannot beat Chelsea in London.

My counter argument is that Chelsea has a tough game against Man United at the weekend whereas Liverpool can rest the whole first team if they wanted to as they literally need only 1 point from the remaining 3 games to guarantee the fourths spot.

Also, 1-1 is still not a bad result to go away with. Chelsea will be as much on the edge as Liverpool as only 1 goal for Liverpool can change the whole game, especially if they can score first. Even Chelsea scores the first goal, Liverpool still has everything to play for.

Anyway, let's hope that my wild guess is correct and Liverpool can go through to the next round but beating Chelsea.

(: Actual writings in an Mpumalanga Hospital(South Africa) Register :)

I am not sure how authentic these are but I laughed a lot reading though the list:

1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Fortune cookie

What is it trying to tell me :)