Response to Chain Letters

The following is a funny "chain letter" I received today :)




Hello, my name is Billy and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe, if you send them on, a poor six-year-old girl in Scotland with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to you, and everyone to whom you send 'his' email?

How stupid are we?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!

What a bunch of bullshit.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomise me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim stowaways on the Endeavour.

Fuck 'em!!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing.

I've seen all the 'send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being' forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.

The point being?

If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

Billy Connolly


PS Send me 15 bucks and then fuck off.

2008 Fasting Times for London from Islamic Finder

Day	Ramadan	Gregorian	Fajr	Sunrise	Dhuhr	Asr	Maghrib	Isha
Mon	1	1/9	4:11	6:13	1:01	4:43	7:47	9:42
Tue	2	2/9	4:13	6:15	1:01	4:42	7:44	9:39
Wed	3	3/9	4:16	6:16	1:00	4:40	7:42	9:37
Thu	4	4/9	4:18	6:18	1:00	4:39	7:40	9:34
Fri	5	5/9	4:20	6:19	1:00	4:37	7:38	9:31
Sat	6	6/9	4:20	6:19	1:00	4:37	7:38	9:31
Sun	7	7/9	4:22	6:21	12:59	4:36	7:35	9:28
Mon	8	8/9	4:27	6:24	12:59	4:33	7:31	9:22
Tue	9	9/9	4:29	6:26	12:58	4:32	7:29	9:20
Wed	10	10/9	4:31	6:27	12:58	4:30	7:26	9:17
Thu	11	11/9	4:33	6:29	12:57	4:28	7:24	9:14
Fri	12	12/9	4:35	6:31	12:57	4:27	7:22	9:11
Sat	13	13/9	4:37	6:32	12:57	4:25	7:19	9:09
Sun	14	14/9	4:37	6:32	12:57	4:25	7:19	9:09
Mon	15	15/9	4:41	6:35	12:56	4:22	7:15	9:03
Tue	16	16/9	4:43	6:37	12:56	4:21	7:12	9:01
Wed	17	17/9	4:45	6:38	12:55	4:19	7:10	8:58
Thu	18	18/9	4:47	6:40	12:55	4:17	7:08	8:55
Fri	19	19/9	4:49	6:42	12:55	4:16	7:06	8:53
Sat	20	20/9	4:51	6:43	12:54	4:14	7:03	8:50
Sun	21	21/9	4:51	6:43	12:54	4:14	7:03	8:50
Mon	22	22/9	4:55	6:46	12:54	4:11	6:59	8:45
Tue	23	23/9	4:57	6:48	12:53	4:09	6:56	8:42
Wed	24	24/9	4:59	6:50	12:53	4:07	6:54	8:40
Thu	25	25/9	5:01	6:51	12:52	4:06	6:52	8:37
Fri	26	26/9	5:03	6:53	12:52	4:04	6:49	8:35
Sat	27	27/9	5:04	6:55	12:52	4:02	6:47	8:32
Sun	28	28/9	5:04	6:55	12:52	4:02	6:47	8:32
Mon	29	29/9	5:06	6:56	12:51	4:01	6:45	8:30
Tue	30	30/9	5:10	6:59	12:51	3:57	6:40	8:25

Elvan Abeylegesse

Well done to Elvan for winning the Olympic 10000m silver in Beijing for Turkey.

She knew that her old compatriot Dibaba was the main threat and did everything she could to break her. But Dibaba was much better on the day and deserved the Olympic gold.

However, Elvan ran one of the few fastest times at 10K ever, and you cannot ask her to do much more than that.

Similar to the Turkish football team at the Euro 2008, she gave everything and we are all proud of her as a nation.

Ogrenci

üniversite yemekhanesine giren bir öğrenci tüm yerler dolu olduğundan
gidip üniversite profesörünün oturduğu masaya oturmuş.
profesör kaşlarını çatarak: 'öküzler ve kuşlar aynı masada oturamaz!'
öğrenci:o zaman ben uçtum...
profesör cevaba çok sinirlenmiş, sınavda öğrenciye takmış ve sınavı
başarısız geçmesi için elinden geleni yapmış. yalnız sınavda çğrenci tüm soruları
mükemmel bir şekilde cevaplamış.profesör öğrenciye:sana bir soru soracağım ,demiş.
yolda yürürken iki çuval bulduğunu hayal et, birinde akıl var diğerinde ise para var.
hangi çuvalı alırsın?
öğrenci: para olan çuvalı seçerdim...
profesör: ben akıl olan çuvalı seçerdim...
öğrenci: normal! kimde ne eksikse onu seçer...
profesör çok sinirlenmiş, öğrencinin sınav kağıdına not yerine 'öküz' yazmış.
öğrenci nota bakmadan odadan çıkmış. bir dakika sonra öğrenci kapıyı aralamış:
'sayın profesör, imzanızı atmışsınız,
fakat notumu yazmayı unutmuşsunuz ' demiş

Estate Agents Maidenhead

Appleton Estate Agents Maidenhead provide residential property service in Cookham Marlow, Burnham, Maidenhead, Twyford and Reading. Whether you are looking to buy or rent a property, utilise one of our market leading services or simply require some advice our experienced team are here to help you achieve your property goal.

Our innovative approach takes advantage of the latest Web based solutions supporting our distinctive service headed up by Founding Directors to deliver the service you deserve and the results you demand.

Striving to become market leaders, we aim to set the standard for service in the local property arena. We combine a sensitive personal approach to landlords, tenants, buyers and sellers, an expert knowledge of the market and a passionate pursuit of results.

For more information relating to our specialist Residential Sales, Lettings and Property Management services, please click on the relevant link below to visit our mini-sites.

Catching Pigs

There was a chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab, the Prof noticed one young man, an exchange student, who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt. The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist regime. In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked:

"Do you know how to catch wild pigs?"

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said that it was no joke. "You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming.

When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side.

The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again.

You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught.

Soon they go back to eating the free corn . They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity."

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening in America . The government keeps pushing us toward Communism/Socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tax cuts, tax exemptions, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc. while we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time. One should always remember two truths:

1) There is no such thing as a free lunch, AND
2) You can never hire someone to provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.

Germany is ready for the Turkish game